It's Over, It's Done

Despite the fact that I fell off the blogging wagon, I still feel the need to complete my experience with a blog about my final thoughts on NCCC.

It's been almost a week since graduation (July28, 2010), I'm home, slightly unpacked, slightly lonely, potentially a mildly depressed, and in utter disbelief that NCCC is over.

At times I really wanted it to be over. It's hard to say the least. One Team Leader described NCCC as concentrated Orange Juice. It's so much in one condensed form. Which makes the highs extremely high and the lows excruciatingly low. But then there were times when I genuinely didn't want it to end.

And now it has.

I didn't think I was going to be weird about NCCC being over until today. At church today there was a mini-celebration of my accomplishment (earning the US Congressional Award - Bronze Medal) and completing a year of national service. I was incredibly uncomfortable with this "celebration" and I couldn't adequately articulate why.

My first thought was that, I didn't do any of this for recognition. It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a huge sacrifice. I wasn't ready for grad school, I didn't just want to sit at a desk, I knew I wanted to do something productive, and I like non-profit work. I never, ever, saw NCCC as "community service". In fact, I realize now that I hate that word. I hate all the connotations a behind it. I hate it because it is a very passive word. It signifies, haves helping the have-nots, and that's not what this was.

I never once thought about the good I was doing for the "community." Instead, I was mesmerized by how the "community" was help, changing, and inspiring ME. Everyone at the Oregon Garden helped reveal a new eye-sight for nature and the environment that I never had before and now that I do, I'm ashamed that I didn't have it my whole life. The children at Larchmont showed me just how easy it is to be kind and trusting, and how much a smile can really brighten even the darkest days (and how to Jerk). Baton Rouge showed me just how important family is and how that family doesn't have to look like everyone else. A family is a group of people that work together, help one another and love and care about each other. And St. Bernard Project and the entire City of New Orleans, showed me A) how important it is to keep you head up in face of adversity B) and how to celebrate each and every day for the beauty that it is.

And then there was my team. A Team that in the beginning seemed like a hodge-podge of misfits who never should have lived together and now, they are 9 people I couldn't imagine my life without.

The end of the AmeriCorps pledge states, "I will carry this commitment with me this year, and beyond..."

My earnest prayer is that I will.